Sunday, May 15, 2005

Top Ten Ways To Tell....

Here's something that started my day with a cheery bang. Used by permission of the poster at Eschaton.

Top Ten Ways to prove the fundies aren't Christian:

10. Real Christians rely on Scripture, not insane ramblings that an English clergyman pulled out of his ass wholecloth in the 1830s (the "Rapture"). Followers of this belief are not Christians; they should be referred to as "Rapturists" and correctly identified as a cult entirely separate from Christianity.

9. Real Christians recognize that Christ's mission was to offer salvation without endless rituals of atonement, and thus grasp that the mandates of Leviticus are inoperative for a true Christian.

8. Real Christians, even while some may view the "Rapture" as a somewhat fascinating topic, realize that it is beside the point for a true follower of Christ; that by following Christ's teachings, their salvation is assured regardless of whether a "Rapture" ever occurs or not.

7. Real Christians embrace the faith for the ways in which its teachings can enrich their lives, not out of fear or because they're giving in to God's blackmail.


6. Real Christians recognize that just because a self-proclaimed minister says something, it doesn't necessarily make it true. Real Christians accept that all humans are fallible, including ministers (many of whom, in the evangelical sects, never received any formal training but instead heard the "calling" of the life of luxury leading a mega-church can provide).

5. Real Christians understand that on the Day of Judgement, they aren't going to be asked to explain the sins of other people. This frees them up to work on and correct their own bad behavoir, and relieves them of the need to take over government and impose their crackpot theories on everyone else.

4. Real Christians recognize that Biblical proverbs and allegories need not be literally factual in order to impart wisdom.

3. Real Christians accept that God hates all sin, and does not single certain ones out for extra reproval. They further recognize that as all are sinners, we're all in the same boat.

2. Real Christians follow Christ's original admonition to "love thy neighbor"; not the new-n-improved Falwell New American Version of "love thy neighbor...unless he's a fag. If he is, persecute the hell out of him." (General, take note...I see a new Republican Jesus slogan...)

1. Real Christians actually DO believe that God is omnipotent and omniscient, and that therefore He is capable of punishing sin at the time and in the manner of His choosing, without their assistance. Real Christians would NEVER presume to usurp God's position of supreme moral judge by taking it upon themselves to punish those sins of their neighbors which do not damage anyone else in this temporal world.

Whoever said "stop calling them Christians" was right. They aren't. They are Rapturists and God-Usurpers. I suggest that they henceforth be referred to as "the Rapturist Right".

Jennifer

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